A response to choosing an agent over myself.

I've been getting a lot of negative feedback for choosing old-fashioned publishing as opposed to self-publishing. Everyone will tell me it's not negative and I cannot count how many times I've heard, "I mean, it's your decision, I'm not telling you what to choose! I don't really care either way!" But if they didn't really care, then they would stop bringing it up and bringing it up.


This is my permanent response to everyone who thinks I should take the easy way out and click a button that serves as publication (not that I have ANYTHING against self-publishing, it's just not something I would personally do as my first move):


"It's so much easier."
I'm sorry I'm up for a challenge.

"You can design your own cover."
All of you know I'm really into art. However, my style is not good for book covers. I can't do graphic-like pictures or photography and all my own designs for a book cover would be terrible unless it's a graphic novel. Which it's not.
And besides, that totally takes away the excitement of seeing your cover for the first time (very rarely does an author hate the cover of their book; it's like a parent hating their child's face).

"It's a lot faster; a whole lot less waiting!"
Yeah, I know I'm impatient. Less patient than 80% of the world even. (Probably not.) But do you know how much of my life is spent waiting? I am SO used to it. I can't even list all the things I'm currently waiting for: Divergent #3, Unravel Me, Mark of Athena, Catching Fire the movie, Clockwork Princess, The Evolution of Mara Dyer, and the list goes on. And on. And on.
Waiting, in that respect, means nothing to me.

"No rejections."
Rejections have never bothered or hindered me in any way.
In fact if you were to watch my daily life, I celebrate every time I get a new one.

"But then you wouldn't have to deal with all those changes they'll make to your book!"
Aaand here is the biggest issue. The infamous changes to the manuscript by the agents and the editors and the publishers (especially the editors). Here is the thing: I don't mind the idea of them ripping apart my story and changing it. The fact that some might even be willing to read it as it is now is overwhelming. I am a novice. These people, however long they've been in the publishing industry (be it one year or twenty), have been there longer than I have. They know what my book would be missing, what wouldn't be needed, the things that need changing. Getting published is a very practical thing. It is ultimately about how many copies you can sell. It's a job, and sometimes it's a risky job. If your book doesn't sell, that's (A LOT OF) time and money wasted. Agents and editors know the types of things books would need in order to get decent publicity. For example, the changes made to Twilight (which was originally called Forks) were probably the very reason those books became best-sellers. Simple things like that make it easy for me to trust agents and editors over myself.

The choice to make those changes are still ultimately up to me. Cassandra Clare, while trying to publish City of Bones, heard back from an agent who wanted to make her characters older. She declined, feeling her characters were just the right ages, and looked for interest from a new agent. She is now a #1 NYT best-selling author and City of Bones is being made into a movie. So it's not like writers are forced to make changes they don't want to.

On a final note, I would also like to say (and I don't know how many times I've had to say this--I REALLY want to get it into all your heads so you'll stop pestering me with everything) if I self-publish now and decide to do it the old-fashioned way later, it does not look good in a query letter (unless I become very successful like Amanda Hocking, but that is unlikely). Whether it's true or not, self-publishing gives the impression of failed tries in the past. It is more often than not the thing people turn to when they cannot land an agent. There is not a single ounce of desire in my bones that seeks self-publishing. It requires less experience, less excitement, less emotion in general, and honestly.. it seems like such a boring path to take.

I realize it's not that way every time. Kiera Cass self-published her first novel, The Siren, and then went through an agent to publish her next book, The Selection, and she is now among the best-sellers. However that's one of those rare cases that I doubt I would fall into. I am happy with my decision to old-fashioned-publish, and nothing can make me change my mind. I'm sorry to all the people who would rather see me do it the easy way. But that way is just not meant for me.

Critique my synopsis!

Pleeease :D
Just keep in mind these things before you read:

1. Don't say, "It's good." Good is not good enough. I either want, "IT'S AMAZING," or, "This and this needs work." (And don't just say it's amazing because I told you not to say it's good... if that made sense.)
2. Also don't say, "I shouldn't critique because I can't do any better," because a) don't put down your own writing like that, and b) writing and critiquing are two different things. Just because you don't think you can do one doesn't mean you shouldn't do the other.
3. Do not be afraid to be honest. If I can't take it, then I shouldn't be working toward the publishing industry anyway. This field is littered with criticism.
4. This is going out to literary agents. It needs to be perfect. I need it to stand out in an inbox full of a hundred other queries, and your critiquing may very well be what helps me get published.

So here is my next draft:

Scientists should have known what would ensue after they recreated life. It was supposed to be a breakthrough. It was supposed to put an end to cancer, disease, old age. But our new life began to retaliate. We learned they were hostile. They learned how to control our dead, using our own bodies to destroy us.

Now, twenty years later, our world is reaching extinction. Human remains are a natural part of the environment. Cannibalism is an acceptable form of survival. Our scientific breakthrough still haunts the streets.

Jenesis has managed to keep herself alive this long, but survival is hard in a world whose resources have run out. She can no longer take care of herself and her mysterious ally Juno. Strength, like everything else, fades with time and the ease of giving up overpowers the will to live—they are just going to die anyway. But then somebody else shows up, and he changes everything.

Ending Jenesis rough query.

Apparently I'm crazy for this, but this is my favorite part of writing a book: Writing the query letter. I always think it's a good idea to start writing it near the end of your story, so you can fine tune it more and more and by the time it reaches the agents, it's quite near perfect.
Anyway, I just spent the past two hours developing these little paragraphs that will open up my query for Ending Jenesis (I'm so excited!). See what you think:

---


Humanity is now hunted game. They have killed us, faced us with extinction, endangered our species.

When biologists recreated life twenty years ago, the scientific breakthrough was supposed to cure all things--cancer, old age. It was not supposed to make its own decisions. It was never meant to learn the way it did. It used its lack of physicality to its advantage, controlling our dead and using the bodies to destroy us.

Jenesis has managed to survive the epidemic so far. But she and her ally Juno are alone, and strength, like everything else, fades with time. The ease of giving up overpowers the will to live. They are dying anyway.

Then he shows up and changes everything.

Every sane writer has conversations with their characters.

Me and Jenesis when I write Malachi and Juno's kiss:
Me: This is gross.
Jenesis: Why am I watching?
Me: Please, you turn away after two seconds. I hate writing kisses. It takes much longer to write them than to watch them... and a lot more thought, too.
Jenesis: You should leave it out. It isn't necessary.
Me: Well, I can't put zero romance. The book probably wouldn't sell.
Jenesis: That is undoubtedly selfish of you.
Me: "Lips working..."
Jenesis: I'm going to go throw up now.

Me and Jenesis when I write Malachi and Juno staring at each other:
Me: AWW THEY'RE LOOKING AT EACH OTHER SO CUUUUTE.
Jenesis: You're not serious, are you?
Me: But they're such a cute couple, right?
Me: They're the best couple I've ever created.
Me: I ship them the hardest out of any of my other characters.
Jenesis: Weren't you gagging over a kissing scene just a few days ago?
Me: Yes but they're cute now.
Me: I WILL NEVER NOT WRITE THEM STARING AT EACH OTHER.
Jenesis: I'm going to go throw up now.

Ending Jenesis excerpt, celebrating 200 pages.

Not that 200 pages (about 60k words; I know page number means nothing) is the biggest accomplishment ever, but I've been bleeding and sweating and dying because of this stupid book these girls (Jenesis and Juno) are making me write. And I'm surprised I've even made it this far.
So here you go.

---

Juno lies next to me, twice the blankets climbing around her. Every now and then I check to see if she is sleeping, but her eyes remain fixed on the sky. Glowing specks poke through the midnight-colored fabric that stretches from one side of the horizon to the other. Juno was right. Malachi was right. There are millions, scintillating and dancing to music we will never hear.

“There’s one thing,” Juno says.

I turn to her again. “What?”

She gives a shrug, like she isn’t sure how to put her thoughts into words. I know how that is. “The ocean scared me today,” she says. “I never thought something could be so alive and so dead at the same time.”

I wait for her to make sense.

“I haven’t seen any of the world at all, except in pictures. But those pictures were beautiful. I know things don’t look like that now. The ocean definitely proved that. It made me scared—it made me think we’ll never have any hope. Everything on this planet will die, including humanity, and Earth will be left to rot alone in outer space.”

I stay quiet, looking at her. It’s like she has been shopping in my mind, trying on different ideas that came straight out of my head. They sound wrong coming from her.

“But the stars are still beautiful,” she continues. “All the death in this world will never be able to tamper with their beauty, because it can’t reach them. That gives me enough hope. Even if humanity does die off completely, Earth is still part of something bigger. Something magnificent. So nothing is ever truly hopeless.”

I usually come up with a title about halfway through the book.

And about halfway through this book, I came up with a title.
I wanted it to be two words. Mostly because everything else I write has a one-word title, and I was in the mood for something new. I also wanted Jenesis's name in it. So in order to make that work, it would have had to be something like Verbing Jenesis. Flying Jenesis. Being Jenesis. Finding Jenesis. But then I wanted it to have a post-apocalyptic feel. Killing Jenesis? I almost went with that, but it seemed like overkill. Even though parts of the book get a little violent and edgy, Killing didn't work.

Ending Jenesis.

That works. I see it, I hear it in my mind (I actually haven't said it out loud yet... that'll tell you how often I live inside my mind and how I hate living outside of it), and it just sounds right. It sounds like my book. It's the perfect title. Now I'm going to type it in a couple different ways, just to see how it looks.

Ending Jenesis.
ENDING JENESIS.

You think a title like that could sell? It's amazing what just a couple words could do for a book. It's perfect for me, definitely. Is it perfect for the rest of the world?

Jeez, I need to get the rest of it finished.

Untitled Post-Apocalypse (this really needs a title), 39k words.

Juno. I liked that name. I could get used to calling someone that. Even if part of her existence left me annoyed. Even if parts of her would still annoy me almost a year later, after all the arguments and near-death experiences and strokes of good luck that would make us feel like we’ve known each other for centuries.